No Son Of Mine - AppleDust's Story
Jan 21, 2020 19:52:45 GMT -5
Post by ★Echobrook the Reindeer★ on Jan 21, 2020 19:52:45 GMT -5
*Trigger Warning, Homophobia*
This story isn't supposed to hate towards LGBTQ+ people, rather show certain struggles most of them have to go through in order to be themselves. If we can't admit to our own struggles, there is no way we can be one hundred percent ourselves. We all go through it, and together we will prevail against any hate. In honor of all the people who went through the worst times to be who they are, do not forget you are never alone and will always have someone there for you. Now, I present to you--
No Son Of Mine - AppleDust's Story
This story isn't supposed to hate towards LGBTQ+ people, rather show certain struggles most of them have to go through in order to be themselves. If we can't admit to our own struggles, there is no way we can be one hundred percent ourselves. We all go through it, and together we will prevail against any hate. In honor of all the people who went through the worst times to be who they are, do not forget you are never alone and will always have someone there for you. Now, I present to you--
No Son Of Mine - AppleDust's Story
I never knew I was different.
It started when I was three moons old, but without parents I didn’t have any cat to guide me other than the cat who nursed me back to health. She was nice most of the time, but she never respected me as much as Robinkit. In fact, she probably doesn’t even acknowledge I’m her adoptive son in Starclan.
I was about three moons old when a recognizable white tom with black spots walked past me. I had never noticed it before, but part of me wanted to run up to the tom and be next to him all the time, yet I didn’t exactly know why. The feeling was like how Amberleaf described being with Kestreflight. I was confused, as I had a right to be, so I went to my mother for advice.
“Amberleaf, I think I like Duskpaw!” I squealed, looking up at her.
“Yes, Applekit, he’s going to be a good medicine cat.” She said dismissively.
“No, I want to be near him like you and Kestrelflight are always near each other!” I hadn’t realized what I said was wrong in my mother’s eyes, but her fur spiked and she stormed out of then den, commanding me to stay in my spot. I waited for what felt like moons before KestrelFlight walked in, sighing and sitting down.
“So, Applekit.” He began slowly, not really knowing what to say. “Your mom says you have the butterflies for Duskpaw?”
“I think so...” I said softly, because I didn’t know if I was in trouble or not.
“Well, I’m just going to be direct with you.” He paused. “No son of mine is going to become mates with another tom.”
The news seemed to not even come into my ears at first. It seemed like the world washed away for a second, the tom sitting in front of me going further and further away, washing my brain into another world.
I remembered the look my mother gave me when she left, and I wondered if it was her that told him to tell me that. Another part of me believed that it was just not normal. Was it normal? Was it something I could control? So many thoughts overwhelmed me, before my adoptive fathers booming voice seemed to break my thoughts with a “Do we have an understanding?”
“Why?” I stuttered softly, looking at him desperately.
He got up, face puffed, and started pacing the room as he explained. “You see, the ancestors wouldn’t be happy. If you’re not with a she-cat, you can’t have kits for the clan.”
“What if I don’t want kits?” I said very softly, before I felt a sharp claw go through my paw. I winced and fell at my father's feet, shaking.
“If you don’t want kits, you’re not my son.” He said with such intensity it shook me. I felt teeth in my scruff that lifted me out from my fathers hate-grasp not even a second later.
“I’ll talk to Applekit.” The scarily innocent voice sounded behind me. Robinkit.
It was all a daze before I found myself in a hidden spot in the middle of the nursery walls, looking at my adoptive brother with more fear than I have ever sported. “Why?” I repeated again slowly, not understanding anything.
“Applekit, you’re different.” Robinkit began, grooming his face lazily with his paw. “Not in a bad way, my father just thinks so. He doesn’t understand you can’t control it.”
I was shocked at his understanding, rather than picking and bullying. However, everything has a catch with that tom.
“Just change your crush to one of the new kits. Jadekit is about the same age as you, so-“
“I can’t force myself to be someone who I’m not!” I cried to him, looking around. “Is it really that bad of a thing?”
That night I didn’t get to sleep early. I ended up taking my brothers advice, and after a few days told my mother I was imagining things (much to her delight), and that I thought I had a crush on the similar-age kit.
A few nights later, I saw a starry figure wrap around me in an unrecognizable area. I didn’t know where I was or when I got there, but an instant feeling of familiarity and warmth surrounded me, as a second cat took a place on my other side.
“We’re proud of you no matter who you are. Others will always try and drag you down, but you’ll never be alone. Love who you love. It’s not your choice.”
I felt tears begin in my eyes as I realized I wasn’t sleeping. Somehow, I had walked into the middle of the empty camp, watching the stars. It was like I was stargazing with family, caring about nothing but the constellations.
As I was watching, the stars began to move, one by one, in a beautiful comet of shapes, spiraling down to my paws. As I glanced around, the stars would elegantly take shape and land on the ground. Not as stars— but as cats.
The more that joined me, the less I felt alone. At that moment, I knew that no matter what happened with my adoptive family, I wasn’t going to hide myself when I was old enough to protect myself. Under those stars I was truly safe, loved, and respected.
Amberleaf and Kestrelflight would never understand.
It started when I was three moons old, but without parents I didn’t have any cat to guide me other than the cat who nursed me back to health. She was nice most of the time, but she never respected me as much as Robinkit. In fact, she probably doesn’t even acknowledge I’m her adoptive son in Starclan.
I was about three moons old when a recognizable white tom with black spots walked past me. I had never noticed it before, but part of me wanted to run up to the tom and be next to him all the time, yet I didn’t exactly know why. The feeling was like how Amberleaf described being with Kestreflight. I was confused, as I had a right to be, so I went to my mother for advice.
“Amberleaf, I think I like Duskpaw!” I squealed, looking up at her.
“Yes, Applekit, he’s going to be a good medicine cat.” She said dismissively.
“No, I want to be near him like you and Kestrelflight are always near each other!” I hadn’t realized what I said was wrong in my mother’s eyes, but her fur spiked and she stormed out of then den, commanding me to stay in my spot. I waited for what felt like moons before KestrelFlight walked in, sighing and sitting down.
“So, Applekit.” He began slowly, not really knowing what to say. “Your mom says you have the butterflies for Duskpaw?”
“I think so...” I said softly, because I didn’t know if I was in trouble or not.
“Well, I’m just going to be direct with you.” He paused. “No son of mine is going to become mates with another tom.”
The news seemed to not even come into my ears at first. It seemed like the world washed away for a second, the tom sitting in front of me going further and further away, washing my brain into another world.
I remembered the look my mother gave me when she left, and I wondered if it was her that told him to tell me that. Another part of me believed that it was just not normal. Was it normal? Was it something I could control? So many thoughts overwhelmed me, before my adoptive fathers booming voice seemed to break my thoughts with a “Do we have an understanding?”
“Why?” I stuttered softly, looking at him desperately.
He got up, face puffed, and started pacing the room as he explained. “You see, the ancestors wouldn’t be happy. If you’re not with a she-cat, you can’t have kits for the clan.”
“What if I don’t want kits?” I said very softly, before I felt a sharp claw go through my paw. I winced and fell at my father's feet, shaking.
“If you don’t want kits, you’re not my son.” He said with such intensity it shook me. I felt teeth in my scruff that lifted me out from my fathers hate-grasp not even a second later.
“I’ll talk to Applekit.” The scarily innocent voice sounded behind me. Robinkit.
It was all a daze before I found myself in a hidden spot in the middle of the nursery walls, looking at my adoptive brother with more fear than I have ever sported. “Why?” I repeated again slowly, not understanding anything.
“Applekit, you’re different.” Robinkit began, grooming his face lazily with his paw. “Not in a bad way, my father just thinks so. He doesn’t understand you can’t control it.”
I was shocked at his understanding, rather than picking and bullying. However, everything has a catch with that tom.
“Just change your crush to one of the new kits. Jadekit is about the same age as you, so-“
“I can’t force myself to be someone who I’m not!” I cried to him, looking around. “Is it really that bad of a thing?”
That night I didn’t get to sleep early. I ended up taking my brothers advice, and after a few days told my mother I was imagining things (much to her delight), and that I thought I had a crush on the similar-age kit.
A few nights later, I saw a starry figure wrap around me in an unrecognizable area. I didn’t know where I was or when I got there, but an instant feeling of familiarity and warmth surrounded me, as a second cat took a place on my other side.
“We’re proud of you no matter who you are. Others will always try and drag you down, but you’ll never be alone. Love who you love. It’s not your choice.”
I felt tears begin in my eyes as I realized I wasn’t sleeping. Somehow, I had walked into the middle of the empty camp, watching the stars. It was like I was stargazing with family, caring about nothing but the constellations.
As I was watching, the stars began to move, one by one, in a beautiful comet of shapes, spiraling down to my paws. As I glanced around, the stars would elegantly take shape and land on the ground. Not as stars— but as cats.
The more that joined me, the less I felt alone. At that moment, I knew that no matter what happened with my adoptive family, I wasn’t going to hide myself when I was old enough to protect myself. Under those stars I was truly safe, loved, and respected.
Amberleaf and Kestrelflight would never understand.
