Save File [Wc:ut Creepypasta] [WIP]

[★Echobrook the Reindeer★]

(This is my first one, feel free to point out mistakes :3) (Previously named Flowerheart)
 
    After a long day of shopping, I sat myself down at my computer. My eyes scrolled throughout the screen, glancing for something to play. My eyes rested on roblox, but before I clicked it, I chose WC:UT. I wish I hadn't. As it loaded, Instead of the clan symbols popping up as the loading screen, they were all red, and my Save file 3 character was sitting there, with a twisted neck and smile. I blinked, and It was normal. Weird. I thought, shaking it off.


    As I opened the game, I realized I wanted to make a new save game. I made sure the annoying tutorial was turned off, and clicked new game. My save file 1 was a hard worked on Save file, So I decided to make it two. But as I clicked, I realized something devastating. 


I clicked Save File 3.
        

    Sighing, I started to make my new cat. Flowerheart, I named her, in honor of my old save file. But I as I clicked it, a horrible music came through my headphones. The untold tales music backwards. It had a loud screech in it, and slowly a cat appeared before my eyes. "She's not the same..." Red, bold words underneath it spoke. The music went back to its cheerful music, and I shuddered.

    Dang, the mall lunches are weird... I reassured myself. Whenever something was going wrong, I blamed it on food. I don't know why, but it always made me feel better.  I continued to head out of camp and hunt, but instead of mouse or a squirrel, It was Flowerheart. I thought it was a glitch, so I jumped on it. The bloody, twisted cat was dead, in front of my character's paws.


"Now what?"


The words echoed loudly through my headphones, and I picked up the body. Flowerheart, my old one, was laying in my inventory, with large bloody words saying "FlOweRHEarT" And under it, in the description, it said "You killed me. You replaced me. Now what? You are going to pay. Now what?" There was three options. I could walk away from the tile, bury Flowerheart, or eat her. As I went down to drop, I accidentally clicked eat. "Dang it!" I swore, hating my shaky hands. 

It zoomed in, and suddenly Flowerheart, the new one, ripped apart the old one, digging into it. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry!" I shouted, closing my eyes and feeling the moist tears rolling down my face. "You killed me. You replaced me." 

The voice wasn't coming through the headphones.

(Continuing later)

[🎄Vegan the Festive Goat🎄]

Awesome! Need more

[Deleted]

Deep... dark... deep..... dark.....

Just a note, it's hard to make a creepypasta without having things like other ones. The red clan symbols is WAY overused, and the music is TOO OVERUSED. Sorry for being a tad bit rude, but almost every idea in this is over used almost

[★Echobrook the Reindeer★]

@flamingsparrows , Yes I know. That's why I'm starting it like this. To get people thinking that this is gonna be a run-of-the-mill creepypasta >:3

[Copperstone]

I really don't mean to be rude but already there are a number of things I've noticed wrong with this pasta.

Even if you're trying to fake a "run of the mill creepypasta", jumping right into the spooky scaryness is a pretty bad way to start off. Building up to the horror with increasingly off or scary things makes it much more effective.

Also, it's seriously ridiculous that someone thought they maybe just imagined something as specific as the clan symbols being red like blooooooooooood and Flowerheart's face with a twisted neck and grin. Same thing with the loud screechy noise and the blood red text, unless they've experienced auditory and visual hallucinations from eating mall food in the past it's kinda dumb that they would just shrug it off. If they have, you should probably mention it (and if that's the case, why would they eat it this second time?)

Why are the main character's hands so shaky that they not only misclicked the save file, but also ate the head? So far, they'd brushed off all the spooky stuff as bad lunches and glitches, so they couldn't have been that scared. But then, all of a sudden they burst into tears at the sight of some cat-shaped pixels dying, which is kind of silly, in my opinion. Maybe I'm just a hard-hearted bastard Why were the clan symbols red and Old Flowerheart's broken smile/neck present before you even did anything? Did she know she was going to be deleted? She seems pretty mad about it later, so why didn't she do anything in advance? Why is accidentally deleting the third file "devastating"? Surely, it would really only be annoying, maybe mildly aggravating if they'd put a lot of effort into the file. Do they not keep backups? If so, mention that, and why not? All you'd have to do is copy the file and make a new folder.

As Mayonnaise said, the pasta is pretty much a heap of cliches. Backwards/screechy music, everything turning red, and even really the premise of a long-gone video game character out for revenge from being "replaced" are all concepts that have been done over and over again (I've noticed the last one in many Pokemon creepypastas, including ones I myself wrote long ago, whoops!) But then, this pasta's not even finished, so who knows, maybe you're building up to something great.

That being said, I look forward to seeing the conclusion of the pasta :3 These are just some things you should keep in mind while your writing it, though.

[★Echobrook the Reindeer★]

Copperstone, as I said, It's my first Creepypasta. She was getting increasingly scared, but she was trying to push it off. But once that happened, she lost it. Because she was scared, she had shaky hands.