A Random Warriors Story

[Silentpaw]

Oh.. Gosh.
I was seriously considering whether or not I should post this.
I was on my old google account and decided to see some of the stories I had written in the past on google drive.
I found this Warriors Trollfiction I made when I was like... 10.
Also, don’t worry, it still has mostly proper grammar and spelling.. considering my age.
Please note: This may contain spoilers from the New Prophecy up to Omen of the Stars. Also, when I wrote this, I wasn't finished reading the entire Warriors series, so a lot of things are probably off. And it’s really old. I mean no offense to any of these characters. The plot has been twisted into unrealistic features, noticeable from the first sentence starting. And even though it is very loosely based off of the Warriors series, there are parts that are completely random and added in.
So, here it is, the (mostly) unedited version of a Warriors Trollfic I made with the imagination of a 10-year-old!

SPOILER: Click to show

Once upon a time, Daisy was hogging the TV at camp, eating a bag of Lays chips. “WAAAAAAAAA!! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SHARE!!!!! IT’S PART OF THE WARRIOR CODE, SECTION 137, WHICH SPECIFICALLY STATES-“ Hollyleaf was beginning to lecture, when a very annoyed Duspelt threw a stick at her, which crumbled into pie. Greystripe swallowed the pie whole. “Now, that was NOT nice! I say instead of fighting, we work to better ourselves for the common good of the clans!” Hollyleaf spends 1000 hours lecturing about why everyone should be nice and follow the warrior code. “Sweetie, shut up, please. You’re boring people.” Leafpool said. Ashfur: “I kissed a squirrel, and I liiiked it!... Hope Brambleclaw don’t mind it. ;D” Squirrelflight: “Ewwww, Ashfur, you’re a pervert!!” Brambleclaw: “WT fudge is going on?!?!” (Had to edit once here, forum rules.) Mousefur: “Missy, don’t you get sassy with that smart mouth!” Mousefur snaps her fingers at Brambleclaw. “DERP, DUDE. I’m a guy.” Brambleclaw says. “You scream like a girl.” Mousefur picks up Brambleclaw by the ear. “OW, OW OW OW OW! PUT. ME. DOWN.” Screeches Brambleclaw. “Everyone calm down and have a cookie!” Firestar commands. “NO, PIE!!!” Shouts Greystripe. “NO, COOKIE!!” Firestar yells. Meanwhile... “NO! MY PRECIOUS STICK!!! WHAT IN STARCLAN’S NAME HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT! I’M SO SORRY ROCK!! HALFMOON!!” Dr. Jayfeather sobs, transforms into a Jay, and pecks Dustpelt’s face off. Dustpelt: “.......” Ferncloud shrieks, leaps onto Jay Jayfeather, and kills him. “NO, BRO!!! HOLLYLEAF WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE, NOT YOU!!” Lionblaze growls at Ferncloud. “WHAT? When was I supposed to-“ A giant rock falls onto Hollyleaf, instantly killing. “Guess you’ll be needing the third of the prophecyyyyyyy!” Ivypaw smiles. Dovepaw stares at her weird sister. “Uhhh, shouldn’t I be dead?” Said Ashfur. Lionblaze still attacks Ferncloud. Spiderleg: “Leave her alone!” He growls. “Now you know how it feels!!” Brightheart hisses at Daisy. “Laidies, laides, calm down. I’m too fluffeh for both of you. *Derps away with mah fluffehness.* Said Cloudtail. Jayfeather revives, suddenly turning into a cat. “I’m alive!” He exclaims. “Guess we won’t be needing Ivypaw after all!” Says Dovepaw. “I will murder all of you.......” Says Ivypaw, who revives Hollyleaf and summons Hawkfrost. “Hollyleaf, you will be my minion! We will destroy the clans!” Ivypaw said. “But that’s not nice! In fact, it says in section... *Puts on glasses and reads from a book double a full grown cat’s size.* 843, that-“ Ivypaw rolls her eyes, and Hawkfrost pulls out a Harry Potter wand, waving it in front of Hollyleaf’s face. Hollyleaf’s eyes swirl. “Yes, my dear master. We will destroy them all.” She says. Leafpool: “Who wants some dead Ashf-errr, pie?” Ashfur: “I think Hollyleaf kills me, not you. -.-“ Breezepelt randomly teleports into the camp. “I’m in on this! WE HAVE TO KILL CROWFEATHER BEFO-“ Crowfeather teleports into the camp. “MEWMEWMEWMEW, MEW, MA MA MEEW, MEMEMEMEMEMEOW, MEWMEWMEWMEWMEOW!!! MUZT KILL TAC AND EAT NON-VEGE FOOD!!!!” He screamed girlishly, and swallowed Breezepelt whole, growing bigger. Leafpool: “.................Poor Nightcloud....” Everyone screams and runs around in terror as Crowfeather goes around eating everyone, growing bigger and bigger. “SAVE THE KITS!!” Screams Berrynose. “............SSSAVE MY PRECIOUSSSSSS HERBSSSIEZZZZ!!’ Jayfeather slowly hisses. Rainbows fly from behind Crowfeather, who lifts off the ground, flying. Sandstorm attempts helping the elders out and is eaten. Firestar: “SANDSTOOOOOOOOORM!!! Don’t listen to the weird glowing cat! Have this magical cookieeeeeeeee-“ Firestar is eaten. Purdy: “Aw, now, I sure darn reckon’, I tell y’alls, back in the good ole’ days we sure darn ain’t have these all mighty fancy new flyin’ and spinin’ colorful robotic farting feasters, I tell y’alls. This supernatural beast ain’t nothing as I remember! Oh, in thy starry cats’ name, I remember in the good ole’ days, I would darn whip this robot’s metal rear, and put an end to this poppycock. Then-“ Purdy is swallowed by Crowfeather. Purdy continues talking from inside, words fading into mumbling. “WE HAVE TO STOP HIM BEFORE HE EATS ME!!” Ivypaw squeaks. Hollyleaf says: “Yes, my dear master.” over and over again in a loop, swaying from side to side like a broken robot. Hawkfrost waves the wand at the great Crowfeather-beast. “Ah doryakasofatopia mi AHHHhh.. I condemn you to the land of strange music and rainbow-farts from which you came from..” Hawkfrost puts on big Harry Potter glasses. Crowfeather swallows Hawkfrost. “But I’m already dead!” He protests from inside of the stomach. Crowfeather swallows Leafpool, then hastily spits her out. “Nyan cat no like vege LOL! MEOW! Leafpool lies in a pool of sparkly spit, shaking with traumatized eyes. “I have.... seen things, man.. things not normal... I quit being the medicine cat for all eternity!” Squirrelflight: “EWWW, YOU GOT A SPOT OF SPIT ON MY FURRRR, DISGUSTING!” Crowfeather swallows Squirrelflight, who screams and throws up. Brambleclaw silently falls down, burying his face into the ground. He then starts eating the ground miserably. “Her death.. it was so... stupid....” He talks with a full mouth and continues eating. Greystripe slowly slides a pie under Brambleclaw’s face instead. Crowfeather swallows Cherrykit. A cloud in the sky pops up with red text that says: “New favorite-cherries. MEOW!” Berrynose: “MY KIT NUUUUUU! POPPYFROST, I TOLD CHU A GIANT RAINBOW CAT WOULD TELEPORT AND EAT CHERRYKIT!!” Poppyfrost: “CHU DON’T LOVE ME, CHU STILL LIKE HONEYFERN! SIS, SIS! I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH CHU!” Crowfeather sees the text and says: “I like berries!” Crowfeather swallows Berrynose. The text in the sky changes to: “New favorite-berries. MEOW!” “...........WHY MUST THEY ALL BE NAMED AFTER FOOD?” Said Poppyfrost. Lionblaze: “HA. I’m invincible! INVINCIBLE! INVINCIBLE!” Lionblaze starts breakdancing and singing. Crowfeather gulped down Lionblaze. “INVINCIBLE, I SAY!” He says from inside. Cinderheart turned into Cinderella and started dancing. Ashfur grabbed the Harry Potter wand. “Twoleg!” He hissed. “Let me kill it!” Said Dovepaw. “NO, ME.” Said Greystripe. Daisy grabbed the wand from Ashfur and pointed it at the Cinderheart-Cinderella. Lightning came out of it and turned the Twoleg into ash. Crowfeather suddenly turned into Donkey Kong, grabbed Daisy, and ran to the top of the hollow. “Ooo oo, ah HA ha!” He slammed his fists on his chest and rolled barrels down ladders which suddenly appeared. “Look at this hairy weirdo! LOOK AT IT! It’s so FUZZY!” Daisy said, laughing so hard it turned into the sound of a snorting pig as she cried. Spiderleg hissed, turned into Luigi, and climbed up a ladder to be immediately knocked out by a barrel. Suddenly, a gigantic Tigerstar appeared, glowing bright white. The light disappeared, he shrunk down to normal, and turned into Mario. He easily dodged the barrels and climbed up to the top, grabbing Daisy and pushing Crowfeather/Donkey Kong off the cliff, who fell to the ground with a big, slow, long, gigantic fart that stunk up the whole hollow. Tigerstar/Mario smiled at Daisy. “Bye bye!’ He said in an Italian Mario voice before dropping Daisy into the hollow and slamming a fist onto a big red button that immediately covered the hollow opening with metal, right before the fart reached the top. Daisy screamed and landed on top of Crowfeather, bouncing off to the ground only to pass out from the fart immediately. The dens were all crushed from the weight of the beast. Briarpaw’s back legs lay under Donkey Kong, nearly crushed from the weight. “Where.. Where are my legs?” She stammered. Suddenly, the beast exploded into rainbow confetti, and all eaten cats fell to the ground. “HA! I’M INVINCIBLLLLE!” Lionblaze said. The fart was so bad, all cats slowly, one by one, passed out, until only Blossomfall and Rosepetal remained. Blossomfall turned into flowers that fell from the top of the hollow, and Rosepetal turned into a giant rose. But Toadstep woke up first and turned both of them into snorting pigs with the Harry Potter wand before the rest woke up, and then hopped around the hollow, chirping. Eventually, everyone but Longtail woke up. Jayfeather walked up to Longtail, and with one quick sniff, said, “He’s dead. His nose couldn’t handle... the stench.” Duspelt: “So t’was not the tree that destroyed thy hollow, crippled thy Briarpaw, and killed thy Longtail, but the great fall and fart of a hairy beast known as Donkey Kong.” “Wut?” Said Thornclaw. Hazeltail nodded. “Let’s call this tragedy the Gorilla’s Rant.” Briarpaw: “What? I-I’m crippled?” Hollyleaf still remains in the loop. Cloudtail: “Shut up.” Hollyleaf: “Yes, my dear master.” Ferncloud: “SHUT UP.” Hollyleaf: “Yes, my dear master.” Brambleclaw: “SHUT UP OR I WILL FEED YOU TO DONKEY KONG’S GHOST.” Hollyleaf: “Yes, my dear master.” Brambleclaw used the Harry Potter wand to zap Hollyleaf. “Hold on-Where’s Cinderheart?” Lionblaze asked. Daisy: “You mean the weird Twoleg in the blue pelt? Oh, it’s over there.” Daisy nodded to the pile of ash. Lionblaze screamed so loud and high the entire hollow shook, rocks tumbling down into the hollow. The roof popped open and flew into the sky. Tigerstar collapsed onto the button, dead from the sound, and another roof slid over the top. Everyone’s ears popped and everyone collapsed to the ground, burying their heads into it for safety. The pile of ash slowly morphed into the figure of a cat covering its ears, which turned into Cinderheart covering her ears. Lionblaze stopped screaming. “CINDERHEART! My singing woke you up! :’D” Cinderheart: “Singing? SINGING?!” Lionblaze began screaming again. “WHY WON’T YOU LOVE MEEEEEE?!?!?!?!?!?! DX” Greystripe slowly crawled with covered ears, being pressed to the ground from the sound, to Cinderheart. Greystripe then stood behind Cinderheart, forcefully moving her mouth while saying in an epicly failing high voice: “I love you, Lionblaze!” Lionblaze stopped screaming. “Is this true, Cinderheart?” Everyone immediately glared at Cinderheart in a deathly silence. Dovepaw: “Yes, is this true, CINDERHEART?” Everyone nodded in a desperate attempt to silence Lionblaze. “Sure, why not?” Cinderheart said before immediately zapping Lionblaze with the Harry Potter wand, turning him to ash. Everyone sighed with relief. “What an Ashfur.” Muttered Sandstorm. Ashfur: “I’m right here. -.-“ Briarpaw: "Hello? Anyone? Help me please! Where are my legs?” “You are crippled for life and have a severe chance of getting a chest infection and dieing. At best, you’ll spend the rest of your life in camp, your only excercise being hauling yourself to and from the fresh-kill pile. Your back legs will forever be completely useless and you will never be able to hunt or fight again.” Bluntly said Jayfeather. “I’m so proud of you!” Leafpool cried. Jayfeather. “We all hate you now, drama queen.” They suddenly noticed two pigs screeching and snorting as they stumbled around camp. “I’ll show you who has a severe chance of dieing!” Briarpaw zaps the two pigs with the magical Harry potter wand just enough to kill them. Firestar: “Ooooo! Pink cat rabbit fish horses! Briarpaw, I name you Briarlight for being the queen of bacon! You do the honor of taking the first bite!” Just after Briarlight swallowed the bites of both pigs, they morphed into dead Rosepetal and Blossomfall. Briarlight screeched so loud it echoed around the world. “I’M A CANNIBAL!!” The rest flinched, covering their ears. “This is all your fault! You told me to eat the pigs!” Briarlight said to Firestar. Firestar: “What? Only because YOU killed them!” Briarlight: “ONLY because of what Jayfeather said!!” Jayfeather: “I only said the truth!” Toadfoot: “Well, I sort of turned them into pigs..” Bumblestripe: “What!!!” Toadstep: “But only because everyone else was unconscious!” Thornclaw: “And that only happened because Donkey Kong farted!” Mousewhisker: “Which was because it fell into the hollow!” Poppyfrost: “Because Tigerstar pushed it off the cliff!” Molekit squeaked: “Cuz da big hairy thing grabbed Daisy and climbed da holloww!” Squirrelflight: “Because it was sick of being Nyan cat.” Ferncloud: “Because it had flew around as Nyan cat eating everyone..” Foxleap: “Because Breezepelt teleported into the camp...” Daisy gulped nervously, shifting. Dustpelt: “Because Ivypaw was talking about destroying the clans....” Whitewing: “Because Dovepaw said they wouldn’t need Ivypaw.....” Brackenfur: “Because Jayfeather revived after behind dead......” Millie: “And Jayfeather died because Ferncloud attacked him......” Sorreltail: “Because Jayfeather was pecking Dustpelt’s face off........” Icecloud: “Because Dustpelt had threw a stick at Hollyleaf.........” Birchfall: “Because Hollyleaf was lecturing about a rule of sharing from the warrior code..........” Daisy took another gulp. Firestar: “And that happened because Daisy was hogging the TV!!!!!!!” Everyone lashed around and death glared at Daisy, who stood in a cleared circle. But then, the world exploded due to an extremely unnecessary amount of barrels. -THE END

[Silentpaw]

Well, this is clearly very unpopular. I shouldn’t have posted this..

[~Hollyspark~]

So funny! It might even beat the TrollFic "Moonkit's Story"

[beech]

This is, um, very cool. ouo